small groups « Ed's Slipper

My good friend Ben, a pastor who blogs over here, and who does weird things like sending me coffee, has just released a book! It’s a short and easy read full of wisdom. In it, Ben’s passion for small groups really shows and it made me realise just how powerful small groups can and should be. It’s also full of practical advice for potential leaders and coordinators.

If you’re interested in buying this book (it is a bargain at $5.18 – just over £3!), follow this link – or go to the book’s website for more info and access to free bonus content.

Ben has been kind enough to answer some questions about his book and about small groups in general – here they are!

In the book, you give strategies to coordinate the launch of small groups and some tips for small groups themselves. Who’s the intended audience of the book? Small group leaders, or coordinators of lots of small groups at church level, or an altogether different group of people?

It’s all of the above. Really, it’s anyone who wants to improve the health and effectiveness of their small group, or their overall church’s strategy for launching, and sustaining, small group health. Small group leaders, small group pastors, lead pastors, education directors, and apprentice/not-yet leaders would benefit from it.

In one sentence, how do you want this book to impact its readers?

I want them to feel the weight of exhilarating possibility and responsibility placed on them by God to steward the gift of community.

How big/small can small groups be? What’s the magic number?

I don’t know if there’s a magic number that fits every person exactly. It kind of depends on what the group leader’s comfortable with. I find myself comfortable in a room of 18-22. Others find it hard to connect in a group larger than 12. My best guess is that there’s a happy medium between 12-18.
But we call a small group any group of 3 or more people that meets to study the Scriptures and seek God together

Deep relationships of mutual trust seem to be the staple of small groups. Should the seeds of that trust be present before the small group launches, or are they created in the small group?

I know it seems counterintuitive, but more often than not, the groups that start where everyone “knows” each other don’t tend to do as well as the groups that form with random people. There seems to be some sort of desperation present in groups of “random” folks that just isn’t there when people have known each other for longer periods before joining a group together.
Seeds of trust can be present. But they absolutely don’t have to be. Small groups create and nurture trust as people step out in faith and choose authenticity and vulnerability rather than masking their story, heartache, failures, and victories.

Why is it important for small groups to have a limited lifetime (you suggest a mix of 12-24 month alongside some shorter-term ones)?

Most group’s life cycle runs 12-18 months. After that time, a group is typically so comfortable together that it’s time to think critically about spinning out a few different groups.
A byproduct of healthy community is an inward focus. Which isn’t necessarily bad. But over time, this inward focus seems to dominate.
Take the example of the ingrown toe nail. At first, it doesn’t seem so bad. You may not even notice it. But give that toe nail a few months, and it starts to hurt. 6 months later, you’ve got to have surgery. But if you’d taken care of it the first time you noticed it, pain and frustration could’ve been avoided.
Groups naturally turn inwards. And that’s not a bad thing. But allowing that inwardness to dominate is where sickness comes in.

Are small groups only for people already attending church?

Absolutely not! Small groups are a fantastic way to reach out to your community. It’s a tougher sell to get someone to step a foot inside the walls of the church you attend…it’s much easier to get them to step into your home to eat a meal and discuss faith issues. Because you’ve built a relationship with them…and the Church has only corrupted their view of God. At least their public perception of the Church has done that.

How big are the churches you have worked in, and do you think your blueprint translates to smaller settings?

I’ve been on staff in churches that run 70 on Sunday mornings, that run 1500 on Sunday mornings, and that run 8000 on Sunday mornings. Small groups work at each church unbelievably effectively. Because as long as you have more than 2 people, you can have a small group!
Also, the early, New Testament church was historically a bunch of smaller house churches. Because of government restrictions (public martyrdom), it was difficult to have a huge mega church. But some how, they still found a way to, day by day, attend the temple courts and break bread in homes. (Acts 2:46) Through this, we’re told that God added to their number daily.
One group of 3 becomes a group of 6, if everyone invites one other person. Which becomes a group of 12 if that happens again. It’s exponential growth. You should know that, right? You’re a math nerd. :) [note to Ben: in proper English, it’s “maths”]

You keep on telling us that small group members shouldn’t be passive information-soakers – that we should “develop contributors, not customers”. How do we, practically, achieve that?

You start developing this culture through the leader. Instead of setting up leaders to be “teachers” in the sense that they’re the keepers of the information, and the one who answers all of the questions because they’re the “expert,” the leader should value group discussion and collaboration.
If the leader feels the need to be the first to answer every question, the first to say the “right” answer, and the first to come up with every “good” idea, your community will be a soaking, rather than a contributing, community.
I help leaders value varying gifts in their small group, and share the responsibility of leadership, rather than hoarding that gift. As they share responsibility, they help others take ownership.

I think you’ve missed out a great tool for fellowship-making: tea. How do you explain such an oversight?

Jesus drank coffee, not tea. Just read your Bible. It’s in there. :)

You mention small group series called “temple archaeology” and “42 weeks through the book of Esther” – these sound thrilling. Where can I find them?

I hope you can never, ever find them. Please, Lord Jesus, don’t let them ever hit the shelves. :) [note: readers, if you’re interested in those series, just tell me in a comment. No? Just me then?]

What makes small groups “unsafe”?

What’s “unsafe” about small groups? Your sin. Your comfort. Your “easy” life. Your “clean” life. Your “clean” hands. Not caring about people.
Small groups throw you right into the middle of real life ministry. And there’s nothing safe or easy about that.
But it’s so, so good.

Churches have to cater for, roughly speaking, two populations: the newcomers, people who have never been to this particular church before; and the established congregaion, who need perhaps more challenging than welcoming. Of course, the picture painted here is very sketchy: it doesn’t consider the nuances of visitors or occasional worshippers. But even taking these into account, there are roughly two groups: the new faces and the familiar faces.

All the churches I’ve been to embrace their mission to welcome all. I remember walking alone into church many times (as a visitor in many cases, but also as a first-time visitor) and every single time, I was introduced to many people, including more often than not the pastor, and feeling that people were taking a genuine interest in me. Tea and coffee after the service was also always appreciated. Especially with biscuits.

All the churches I’ve been to also have a lot of activities going on for their members: lots of ways to serve, midweek groups, community action, etc.: the church is not a continually repeated welcome. A good church spurs individual spiritual growth, and does not start over from scratch every week.

Of course, there is a tension for church leaders between serving newcomers and serving regular faces: how much should they explain, say, the structure of the service? Plug mid-week groups? There’s a danger of boring the regulars with the same information every week, and a danger of newcomers not knowing what to do. There are many practical ways of solving this: print the information – and, first and foremost, encourage the congregation itself to be welcoming to new faces, etc. It shouldn’t all come from the top!

So far, so good: we have churches that manage to cater for two distinct populations fairly well. The problem is: you don’t suddenly change from new face into regular face. There is an awkward middle: one where you haven’t, for instance, decided to get stuck in in that particular church, but no longer get the welcome you did as a “new face”. One where you’re neither an old face nor a new face. My experience is that most churches are in denial about this awkward middle, probably because they don’t know how to address it.

There are churches that outright try to skip the awkward middle by making newcomers sign up to a wealth of activities on their first day. Or at least to the mailing list, which then gets indiscriminately used. For all intents and purposes, once you’re on that list, you are no longer seen as a newcomer. This strategy works with a very limited population: those who (a) know they won’t be going to a different church, and (b) have a passion for church life that is burning enough for them to unreservedly sign up when offered. But there will be a large-ish number who will not want to sign up straight away. I tend to fall in that category. And for us, it is damaging, because we feel a certain guilt at not having signed up when it was first offered, imagine we have missed the train, and end up disengaged with church activities.

There are churches that fall on the other end of the spectrum. The awkward middle is simply an extended newcomer phase, and there is a definite shyness in sharing either opportunities for service or mid-week groups. Transitioning from newcomer to known face becomes, then, frustrating.

As far as I can tell, there is no magic formula that will sort out the issue of the awkward middle for everyone at once – simply because when that awkward middle happens is very much dependent on the individual. But here are a few ideas:

most importantly, know and care for all individuals coming to your church. Remember what they tell you, but don’t let that stop you from going and talking to them – there is always more to say! Only ever offer further involvement in the framework of that caring relationship. This means that you should know at least a few things about whom you’re inviting.
as a church member, be transparent about your extra activities. Invite newcomers to non-threatening, one-off (even if repeated one-offs!) events: do not call them “small group”, or anything that would suggest that once you go there, you must continue to do so.
remember that small groups, or whatever other activity you get involved in, is not an end in itself: community and growth tend to be the purpose. If that is clear,
as a church/team leader, make it easy for people to help out “on the day”, without commiting to further service on further weeks. This could be a slot on the rota that is deliberately left empty (help with tea, or with welcome, etc.)
periodically ask for help in various specific teams. Do not limit the notices to the “big jobs” held by one person only, and that feel out of reach!

Any other ideas?

Ed's Slipper

About predestination and smaller matters

small groups

Starting Small – The Ultimate Small Group Blueprint (an interview)

The awkward middle