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Pierre

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April 9, 2012 7:07 am

A few thoughts about Lent

Lent is just over. This period is associated with disciplines, generally giving up something like chocolate, caffeine, facebook…

My Lenten observances started off as in-jokes, generally involving France. This year, though, I couldn’t think of anything humorous to give up, so tried on a more “serious” Lenten discipline.

And over the course of this year’s Lent, I picked up a few things:

1. Lent is about yourself.
There are probably some heresy points in that statement, but I believe that when you embark on a Lenten discipline, it is not for the glory of God. It is about self-denial, or self-imposed discipline – in short, about yourself.
Some disciplines, like taking on a more intensive prayer routine, can be beneficial to your faith; but a simple discipline is, in its own right, not related to God: by being more disciplined, you are not made more acceptable in His sight.

What this means, practically, is that you can fail. Nibble on the odd bit of chocolate, make the odd innuendo, etc. But that failing to observe your discipline should not lead you to question your acceptance by God, or make you feel more unworthy. Nor should your success make you feel worthier.
So why do churches encourage Lent?

2. It is a great way to uncover and break free of addictions

When I’m addicted to something, I tend to pretend I’m in control and the addiction does not exist.
Giving up, say, innuendo for Lent, and realising how hard it is to change that behaviour highlights areas where, sometimes, sin has a hold over you*.

But I have found this Lent that it became easier to observe the discipline the further I went into Lent.
For that reason, I would encourage anyone observing a Lenten discipline they find difficult to keep up with to also keep it on Sundays.

3. It does make you look forward to Easter!

Probably not in the right way, though ;)

4. Finally, Lent is not just about giving stuff up.

Giving up being French for Lent may seem ridiculous. Okay, it is ridiculous. But the way it worked was, we had a Lentmug, where we’d put 20p at every failure to observe the disciplines we had taken on. The money would then go towards a charity.
Lent is about giving as much as it is about self-denial. What you give up sometimes leads to savings; and those savings can then be given.
That’s the spirit behind some initiatives like The Lent Experiment, where rather than giving stuff up, you are given every day two acts of kindness to choose from. I’ve tried to do it a few times, but always end up discouraged because I failed to look it up every day or just didn’t get around to it.
What have you learned this Lent?

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* I call it sin because it has a hold over you. We should no longer be slaves to any of our passions (see Col 3:5)

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March 31, 2012 1:46 pm

Tensions

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by Pierre in Prayer

Picture a tug-of-war. A rope that’s being pulled by both ends. One word describes that situation: tension.

Image credit: Andy Beercroft, re-used under CC license

And we’re often in a similar situation, where we have to choose between two opposing things. Where we’re being pulled in one direction by comfort and habit, and in the other by a calling. This can take many forms – being friendly vs challenging someone; living in sin vs dealing with it; etc. But at the root of it, where there is a tension, it is because there is a hidden, but deep knowledge of what should be done. There is always a sin vs calling dichotomy.

That tension feels natural.

It isn’t. Sin is not natural, and while we do live in a fallen world, sin should have no hold over us.

That tension can be dangerous.

You can snap. Regardless of the direction you snap in – whether it is towards the “healthy” calling, or towards the ways of habit – it will be ugly.
If the snapping causes you to go back to sin, the loss is obvious. If it causes you to abandon your past ways, there will be parts of yourself – for instance, old friends, old hobbies – that will stay behind: a chunk of the rope entirely in the hands of the sin team.

It can also be helpful.

It can lead you to explore different areas of your faith. It can highlight areas of your life that are holding you back. Thanks to that tension, you can grow stronger in your faith and give over more to God.

What you shouldn’t do:

Add more hands to what you see as the “healthy” side. This only increases the risk of snapping.
Simply forget the tension exists/has existed. For one thing, there are probably others who live with similar tensions to yours. Knowing where you are/have been and being open about it helps build real relationships and will help those with similar tensions. And while tension can be helpful, it is only so when you are conscious it exists.
Moan about the tension. Like I said, there are ways in which that tension can be helpful. But by just talking about how difficult it is to deal with that tension, you’re not actually dealing with it.

What you can do:

Talk to someone about it – not to justify your tension, but rather to make it into something that is not inevitable – something that is tangible and which you can work on.
Realise the tension isn’t natural, and welcome God to remove those hands that are pulling the “sinful” side. There is something quite powerful in the Lord’s prayer there: “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil“.

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March 24, 2012 9:59 pm

Self-worth, hospitality and evangelism

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by Pierre in Questions

Today, when hearing about church action and church hospitality in the student context, something along those lines came up:

“When they come to a Christian circle, students find people who are genuinely interested in who they are”

My first reaction was “that’s great!” And true enough, without that, there can be no real relationship. No connection – and therefore no discipleship. I even blogged about the importance of relationship over argument-based evangelism some time ago.

In the context of today’s talk, though, it got me thinking that we’re considering “genuine interest” as something others are looking for – a magnet for lonely students*. But what if you have low self-esteem and feel your life is basically a succession of failures? Would you want people to be interested in that?
For instance: I’m a PhD student. People sometimes ask me what I’m working on. It is a question I dreaded – and yet people were only trying to be nice by asking it. The reason I dreaded that was that I felt my research was (a) boring (but that can be overcome by people who show genuine interest) and (b) completely worthless (methodological nitpicking). It is the famous impostor syndrome. This happened to me, and yet I don’t see myself as a particularly insecure person. It can genuinely happen to anyone, and not just about worklife. To people in that situation, regardless of how genuine interest is, it is scary.

In other words, the question I’m asking is where does genuine interest turn into scrutiny – not in your own eyes, but in the eyes of the person you’re trying to welcome?

Self-worth issues within Christianity can be seen as “covered by grace”: we’re not worthy anyway, but then, none of us are, not even “to gather the crumbs under God’s table”. No, we’re not deserving of God’s love – and it’s quite healthy to remember that. But it does not mean we are not worthy of each other’s love. Yet I would assume (and I’m saying that without any qualification on the topic, so please do correct me if I’m wrong) that for people already struggling with self-worth, that particular message will echo in a very strong way, and ultimately be harmful both to the person’s health and to their access to the Gospel.

So how do we make sure that, when we’re trying to build up a relationship, it stops short of unwelcome scrutiny or does not bring about undesirable feelings of worthlessness?

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*ok, that’s a caricature, and the interest is genuine. But there’s a reason why we mention it when we talk about outreach…

tags: depression, evangelism, relationships

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March 20, 2012 3:42 pm

10 reasons why leading people is like making a pot of tea

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by Pierre in Leadership

Image credit: Phoenix Han, reused under CC license

1. Different blends suit different people. Do not assume what worked with someone will also work with someone else!

2. When you’re making a teapot, you make it both for others and for yourself. In the same way, your leadership style needs to be suitable both to your personality and to the personality of those you follow.

3. Different blends suit different times of the day and different moods. Even when you know people’s tastes, you won’t start off their day with a Lapsang Souchong*. In the same way, be sensitive of people’s personal struggles, joys and adapt your message so that your love and care shine through.

4. A dash of milk does make a cuppa better – but ultimately, you’re not in control of how your guests will take your tea. In the same way, people may take your leadership in the way you intended, or change it (for better or for worse). Respect that!

5. Rinsing the pot with hot water (and warming it at the same time) makes the tea a lot better. Leadership is not something you do on a whim. It is much better when it’s not improvised.

6. Making and drinking tea is a pretext to sharing a good time with others. In the same way, leading people is not an end in itself, but only worth it inasmuch as it challenges and changes people you ultimately care for.

7. Patience is key, or else you’ll find your leadership very weak. Let your ideas brew enough for people to be changed, and challenged by your leadership. But don’t let them brew for so long your message becomes bitter!

8. Once it’s ready, don’t put off giving it to your guests. Tea is best hot. People won’t drink cold tea. In the same way, people won’t follow a message that’s no longer relevant to them – regardless of how carefully and lovingly it’s been prepared!

9. Some people will prefer coffee. You’ll always find heretics who won’t welcome your leadership.

10. Letting tea go to waste is sacrilege. So just don’t. In the same way, don’t let your leadership skills go to waste. Respond to God’s calling.

*why you would ever make Lapsang Souchong is beyond my understanding, but ah well…

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March 17, 2012 4:06 pm

Praying with others

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by Pierre in Prayer

There is a large extent to which I used to have issues with praying out loud. To me, prayer was (and still is) between God and me, and there was little point in sharing that moment with others. On the contrary, it seemed to me that, in praying out loud, I was more trying to conform to my small group’s expectations: that I was praying in order to be seen to be praying.

Matthew 6:5-6 is of little comfort there:

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (ESV)

And yet we have prayer meetings, pray out loud, whether in church or in small groups. Here’s some reasons why:

1. The prayer flows more naturally, and has a more natural close. Speaking the prayer forces your mind to slow down and be fully concentrated on the prayer.

2. It helps build others up.

3. It brings discipline in your own prayer practice. If only because you arrange to pray with others regularly.

4. It brings accountability to your prayer practice. People remember what you pray for, and will ask you how that went. You will know when to push through with prayer.

5. “Praying for” something or someone is vague. With other people praying with you, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, more aspects will be covered.

These reasons have helped me appreciate corporate prayer and rid me of the feeling that I complied with the practice as a hypocrite. Praying with others for the sake of being seen praying is, obviously, wrong. Praying is not a tickbox on a behavioural list.

But if you are in that place where you are not sure why you say some of your prayers, push through – it will end up making your prayer life much richer.

tags: group, prayer, public

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